Worse
by walkersystem
Summary: Hyde tells Eric his darkest secret. one-shot NOT SLASH I don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

Warning- This story contains mentions of self-injury

Steven Hyde wasn't a very emotional person. In fact some people believed he had no feelings at all. These misconceptions couldn't be further from the truth. The reality was that Hyde had emotions, very strong ones in fact. Or rather emotion. For all that Hyde could feel was a deep, bone crushing sadness. Except for when he had the knife. The small piece of steel made all those things go away. But only for a while. Every time his emotional high faded, he would have to cut again. And again. And again. He tried to wait until the previous cuts had scarred so that he could just cut over those, but he never got the as good a high as from a fresh cut.

Hyde knew he had to stop, that this wasn't the way to fix things. So he did. It took him a while and it certainly wasn't easy, but he stopped. And then he blew it. All of the websites he had been to said that if you were cutting you needed to talk to someone to be able to stop. Hyde detoxed without anyone though. So why did he feel like he had to tell someone? It had been months since he had cut last and all of a sudden he felt the overwhelming urge to spill everything to Eric Foreman who was sitting next to him on the crowded bus. The vista cruiser had broken down so, much to everyone's annoyance; they were all stuck on the hot smelly bus for 30 more minutes.

The gang were the last ones on the bus and they were all scattered throughout the ripped up seats. Donna and Jackie were up front. Jackie was most likely rambling on about boys or clothes or calling Donna a lumberjack when she told Jackie to shut up. Based on the way Donna was rolling her eyes and Jackie was slouched down in the seat looking pissed, Hyde was pretty sure his assumption was correct. Fez and Kelso were jumping around in the back, ignoring the bus driver's angry shouts. And he and Eric were seated right in the middle. Hyde glanced over at his best friend who was attempting to finish his math before they got home. Well home for Eric, his basement for everyone else.

Noticing Hyde watching him, Eric raised his head and sent Hyde a questioning look. "Wanna know how I got this scar?" Hyde asked with a cocky grin, pointing at the red and white line on his upper arm. Eric hurriedly asked why, curiosity practically bursting out of him. "Guess." Hyde simply replied. "Think of the most disturbing way I could have gotten this."

"Um… you got pushed into wall?" Eric timidly guessed.

"Aw come on Foreman!" Hyde said, "You can do better than that."

"A murderer/robber came into your hose and you got cut up defending yourself."

"Um… yeah… no."

"Well sorry! My brain isn't as disturbing as yours."

"Eric do you consider me a friend?" Hyde suddenly asked. Shocked, Eric looked at Hyde's expressionless face.

"Of course I do." Eric eventually answered.

"A good friend?"

"Yeah."

"If I told you how I got this scar your opinion of me wouldn't change at all? No matter how I got it?"

"Hyde how did you get the scar?"

"Even if I murdered someone, your opinion of me wouldn't change?" A joking smile appeared on Hyde's face causing Eric to grin as well.

"No! Just tell me how you got it!"

"Even if I did it to myself? Hyde asked, the smile still in place.

"Yes! Jeez Hyde just tell me!"

"I did it to myself." Eric froze and stared at the scar on Hyde's arm. It somehow looked much more menacing than before. The smile on Hyde's face had disappeared. Eric had to swallow several times to be able to make a sound.

"Why?" He finally got out. All Hyde did was shrug. "You know if you keep on doing this…"Hyde cut him off.

"I stopped."

"Yeah but…"

"I stopped." Hyde repeated more forcefully this time.

"But why did you do it in the first place?" Instead of answering, Hyde presented a question of his own.

"Am I still your friend?"

"Of course."

"Do you think any less of me?"

"No!"

"Promise you won't tell anyone." With great difficulty, Eric managed to make the dreadful promise.

"Does anyone else know?"

"No."

Suddenly Jackie's high pitched squeal of a voice floated towards them. "Hey Eric, we're at your house!" With a final glance at Hyde, Eric exited the bus and went inside his house. Hyde followed suit slowly, dragging his feet and trying to choke back the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him. Pretty much the only thing he was proud of was the fact that he had managed to quit by himself. He no longer felt that. Telling Eric had somehow washed all of that away. He felt weak and worthless. Like he was just scum on the ground. All of the internet articles said that telling someone about your cutting would make you feel better. All it did was make him feel worse.

This was the exact conversation I had with my friend today. I am Hyde and my friend is Eric. The feelings Hyde had throughout the story are mine. I'm not sure if my friend felt the way Eric felt during the story. She seemed unaffected by my secret.


	2. AN

Sorry, this isn't a new chapter. It's just an author's note. First of all, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed. All of the reviews were amazing and helped me so much. I have seriously read them all over a million times. You guys are the best!

Unfortunately, I have started cutting again. This story was written during a brief period of my life when I had quit. I only managed to stop for about half a year. I just felt the need to post this AN because I didn't want anyone else to post a review saying they were proud of me for quitting. I love those reviews but considering that I've started cutting again, I don't deserve them anymore.

Again, thank you all so much for being so supportive and leaving those amazing reviews. I love you all!


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